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October 20, 2006
Classic search queries.
So I doubt anyone noticed this because 1) very few people read this site, and C) the few that do read it probably do so via a RSS reader, but this past weekend Bear was down. Repeat, we had a bear down. Obviously things are back up and running now, else you wouldn't be here, but it was traumatic for all parties involved. Well, myself, mostly.
Anyway, the reason for the downtime was that I momentarily let the registration lapse on the website. It was a close call, but I shelled out the tree-fiddy for another year, and all was well.
Point is, it's been two years of bear now, and boy how the time flies. Whooo weee. I mean, just two years ago I was sitting in front of a computer writing some inane entry about blogging software. Now I'm writing about stats packages. How far we've come.
One of my favorite things of having a website is having access to a stats package. Megan is a big fan of Mint, and I actually installed Google Analytics on the site a couple months ago. Call me old-fashioned though, but I just use the built-in stats package that DreamHost provides, Analog. Mostly because it provides daily search query reports which I find hilarious.
So, in honor of Bear's second birthday, here are some search query highlights of the last two years...
- animal crossing stoners
- marker fumes high
- writely zoho writer ajaxwrite
- how do you people live like this
- the penguins are driving me insane t shirt
- are there bears in africa?
- hitler wasnt cool
- pornographic buddy icons
- things to do online when you're really bored at night
- declare shenanigans history
- fucked up care bears
- picture of the word fuck
- porncouch
- filthy pirate hookers
- weird shit taken out of people
- awesome nes game that pat likes
- getting high with markers
- bush vomits on premiere
- chronic bear flash
- keira knightly nipple at new york premiere
- help! i updated my ipod but i don't have the wall charger!
- yourmom
- move fucking big bears men
- march of the penguins imac massachusetts
- why does colbert hate bears
- bear kicking man in the nuts video
- bear gay dvd download
- timothy treadwell mauled video
- the crying on the inside kind
- timothy treadwell was crazy
- german man eating human
- plug ipod into wall icon
- quad start the reactor
Judging from search queries alone, one would assume that this site would be full of naked gay bears kicking people in the nuts, eating them alive, and then helping them fix their iPods. All from the stance of an anti-Hitler, pro-marker-fumes filthy pirate hooker who wants to declare shenanigans history. While chatting online with pornographic buddy icons, of course.
In reality though, I mostly just write about Nintendo and movies that I've seen. Something which you wouldn't really know looking at that list, oddly enough.
The two things that stick out looking at not just the funny queries, but all searches, are "bear" and "iPod." The "bear" thing peaked right around the time "Grizzly Man" was airing on the Discovery Channel and Stephen Colbert's anti-bear campaign was in full swing. It has since died down, but there's still a steady stream of bear-related search queries coming in every day. As for "iPod," the "Your iPod Tip For the Day" page still registers more hits than any other page on the site... probably more than virtually every other page combined. Sad but true, I'm a one-hit wonder as far as Google is concerned.
Combing through all of these queries, what I like more than anything else is the insight it gives one into the depths of the human psyche. I stopped around the 30th page of Google results looking for "weird shit taken out of people," but I'm confident there's a page on this site that somehow fulfills that query; and likewise, someone out there went through 30+ pages of Google search results to find it. That's dedication.
One other note, maybe it's because close to three o'clock in the morning right now, but it's starting to hurt my brain thinking about how this entry is going to get indexed by Google. These keywords could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. By that I mean, before there was no discernible reason to come to this site looking for "weird shit taken out of people" but now that I've mentioned that phrase three times on this page alone... well, now there is.
I think I just blew my own mind.
Oh, and that awesome NES game that I really like? Super Spike V'Ball.
Posted by pat at October 20, 2006 02:50 AM
Comments
Another great search query:
'transexuals fucking' which apparently turns up this article about Fidel Castro:
http://www.solidarityeconomy.net/2006/09/30/castros-last-battle/
I mean, I wasn't looking for transexuals fucking, someone else was.
Posted by: Hancock at October 25, 2006 08:53 PM
when is a new bearsdriving coming out? we're getting antsy over here.
Posted by: kevin at November 17, 2006 02:58 PM
hmm, looks like this is when i stopped reading, or at least when netnewswire stopped downloading you. maybe it was mad that the site was down? more interesting is that it took me four months to realize you were posting, and i wasn't reading. blast. anyway, this is the funniest entry you've ever written. it's nice to have you back.
Posted by: megan at February 9, 2007 12:41 AM